So you've made up your mind to cook the turducken for 4 hours, drive with it for an hour and a half, and then cook it for another 4 hours, and you are writing to us, um, why? For our blessing? Sadly, in a very Suze Orman-like way, we must say, "DEEEEEE-NIED."

Ms. Orman is happy to tell you whether you can afford a turducken. We're here to tell you whether you can afford to eat it.

It is hard enough to get a turducken cooked through to the center – through all the meat of a turkey, duck, and chicken AND three layers of stuffing – without seriously overcooking the turkey. If you cook for several hours, drive for an hour and a half, and then restart the cooking process, how many additional hours is it going to take to get the bit of stuffing in the very center of the chicken to 165°F (73°C)? However much extra time it takes, the outer layers will be dry and overcooked.

More important, how much of those three layers of stuffing (the riskiest ingredients) are going to spend how much time between the temperatures of 40°F and 140°F (5°C and 60°C) – the temperature zone where bacteria can double in as little as every 10 minutes? Frankly raw and semi-cooked poultry would set off alarm bells in the food-safety community, as well.

You have two choices: cook the turducken completely at home and then give it an hour and a half rest in the hot box on your way to the relatives' house or impose upon the family (and their oven) for the entire cooking time.