You do see the conundrum you've placed us in, don't you? We desperately want to make fun of you, but don't know how you'll take it. (We've sworn a solemn vow not to make fun of people who are particularly sensitive, and we're just not sure about you.)

Lard, which is rendered and clarified pork fat, melts around 86°F (30°C). Crisco, which used to be hydrogenated vegetable shortening*, melts between 117°F and 119°F (47°C and 48°C).

*Since it was created in 1911, Crisco has always been a brand name (sort of short for "crystallized cottonseed oil," which is what Crisco was originally), but about ninety-nine percent of the population of the United States** knew it as the generic name for solid vegetable shortening. The Crisco brand now includes a host of products, including corn oil, olive oil, peanut oil, canola oil, and baking sprays, as well as the vegetable shortening in a can and in sticks.

**You were in the other one percent - among a small subgroup that thought Crisco came from piggies.